Words Matters

Recently I listened to an audible book written by Elizabeth Kuhnke, Communication Essentials for Dummies. In her book she gives many examples of both good and bad communication. As I sit here slapping away on my keyboard my thoughts are swirling around in my head. I think about some of the examples Kuhnke gives in her book and I hope to be able to utilize some of her good techniques to convey my thoughts and ideas.

For years, I have considered comedians among the best communicators. I would also consider comedians to be some of the smartest people in the world. The command they have over words and their ability to use the correct words at precisely the right time is genius. It wasn’t until recently that a new category of people is giving comedians a run for their money. Authors, they are the category of people that I’m referring to. The value of a good book is priceless, it’s all about the importance of words. Using the correct word, organizing and conveying thoughts so well that the author’s words move people. A good author will cause us to think, laugh, and feel deep emotions all while holding the readers’ attention and capturing our imaginations.

Words are used in both verbal and written communication. It is important to know that even while using nonverbal communication such as visual, interpersonal, and listening, words are interpreted and assumed by the person receiving the nonverbal communication. Essentially nonverbal communication will be translated into meaning and the meaning into words. This is important to gain a greater understanding of why, “words matter”. They matter, not only to understand others, but more importantly to understand ourselves and the world around us.

There are roughly one million words in the English language, yet the average adult American has a vocabulary of about 23,000 words. Not long ago my wife pointed out, jokingly, that in her experience people use about 250 words during an average conversation. Since she spends most of her day talking to people, I respect her opinion. A google search showed that on an average day people speak between 15,000 to 22,000 words. If my wife’s observation is correct, there is a lot of repeating of those same 250 words. I believe it’s because our society is lazy, we simply repeat the 250 words we are comfortable using. We are in such a hurry to speak that we don’t take the time to communicate better. Words go both ways; we need to listen to the words that are spoken before we use our words to reply.

When my children were small, there were times that I would hear them using foul or inappropriate words. I would ask them, “Is that how you want to represent yourself?” I imagine there were several other avenues I could have used to let them know the importance of better verbal communication. I am going to focus the next few paragraphs on a specific example to elaborate why words matter.

Fact and truth; these words and the relationship between them have become a topic of considerable debate. Most people trust facts and believe them to be true. It has always been my belief that facts and truth are synonymous. It surprised me when a statement like, “Truth is true” was disputed. Oprah Winfrey once claimed to have her own truth. Her statement, “my truth”, is contradictory. “My” is personal and/or possessive, where “Truth” is universal. I know that because I define truth as universal, I will have push back. It will be controversial because some people will define truth differently. Let’s take a closer look. If a person claims to have their own truth, it would be like saying they have their own reality. What Oprah is saying when she says, “my truth” is that it is her perception of truth. Or her opinion of reality. Understanding real “reality” is an important part of understanding the difference between fact and fiction.

Oprah’s statement asserts that truth is an encompassing concept that includes not only facts but also individual beliefs and interpretations. Her concept subjectivity allows for diverse perspectives and experiences to coexist. If those things are allowed to merge the result can be a skewed and false reality. I admit that if two people witnessed the same event they would see it differently based on their backgrounds and personal experiences. Now take those two people and imagine they witnessed a crime. When investigating that crime, evidence is collected. Both witnesses give statements about what they saw. Often, the two accounts of the same incident are described quite differently. They have their own perception and opinion, not their own truth. When a video surveillance of that same crime is collected as evidence, the truth is discovered. I like to say, “reality is revealed”. Contemplating these words and the proper use of them, accentuates the fact that words matter.

Facts are objective pieces of information that can be verified and proven through observation, measurement, or evidence. They are concrete and unchanging regardless of individual beliefs, opinions, experiences, or background. When using this definition of facts, we can equate that facts are true. At the risk of being redundant, some people misconstrue that truth can be a subjective concept. Their argument is that truth includes not only objective facts but also personal experiences, beliefs, and interpretations of reality. When using this definition of truth, truth becomes confusing and convoluted. Is a person’s perceptions and opinions true? I think the example above regarding the witnesses’ statements of a crime shows us that a person’s perceptions or opinions are not always true.

Oprah Winfrey's statement, "my truth,” places an emphasis on the importance of personal experiences and beliefs in shaping one's understanding of reality. The problem is that, the understanding of reality does not change reality. To me when Oprah suggests that an individual can have their own unique truth, she is attempting to be compassionate. Allowing people to have their own truth will help to make those individuals feel validated. I would contest that allowing people to have their own truth is not compassion, it is dishonest. Her perspective highlights the significance of personal narratives and experiences which construct a multifaceted and false reality. Subjective reality means that our personal interpretation of events, emotions, and interactions creates a unique version of reality for each of us. Furthermore, she says that our cultural background, beliefs, and personal experiences of the world can create a deep personal and variable concept. Too often Oprah’s approach leads to a false reality. This reiterates the importance of defining words properly and why words matter.

Reality refers to everything that exists independently of our perceptions or beliefs. What is real in the physical world. The things we can observe, touch, and measure make up reality. This is the way a realist would define reality. An idealist would say that reality is fundamentally mental or immaterial. They perceive the physical world as a construct of our consciousness. This is exactly why the trans ideology has become a mainstream debate. The idealist explains that our consciousness creates reality. Like the “my truth” phrase, the phrase, “our consciousness creates reality” is flawed. In the phrase, “our” is possessive, referring to “my” consciousness. A idealist would say that our consciousness exists independently of reality. That is why a biological male can believe that he is a female. We don’t get our own reality.

Beyond a realist and an idealist, some phenomenalist will suggest that reality is only what we can experience through our senses. If something cannot be perceived, it does not exist. It is easy to see that within the mind of a person, reality and truth can be elusive. Using the correct words in every given circumstance will help avoid the elusiveness of reality. Thus, we will have a better understanding of the world around us.

If you agree with my definition of reality, then you are a realist. A realist has an objective view of reality and assumes that truths and facts exist regardless of our perceptions and experiences. For example, the laws of physics operate independently of our beliefs about them. Ben Shapiro stated "there is only one truth". His approach to reality represents an objective and absolute view of reality. Shapiro argues that truth is grounded in facts and evidence, and that personal beliefs or interpretations do not alter the fundamental nature of truth. This perspective emphasizes the importance of objective reasoning and evidence-based decision-making. With Shapiro’s explanation of “one truth”, our society shares one reality. We don’t get our own reality, just like we don’t get our own facts. Therefore, it's nonsense to claim, “my truth”. Instead it is accurate to say, “my opinion” or "my preception".

The contrasting perspectives of truth and facts highlight the differences between objective and subjective reality. Facts provide a solid foundation for understanding the world. I hope that we can agree fact is truth.

When discussing a person’s experiences, we can include a broader range of beliefs and opinions. By doing this we can extend understanding and offer valuable insights to a person who might be struggling to conceptualize reality. When we take into consideration that truth is objective but also understanding that a person’s perception is influenced by their experiences encourages empathy and open-mindedness. This approach fosters a sense of shared humanity and promotes a more inclusive and compassionate society. Accepting the reality of any given situation can be difficult for those who have suffered something so traumatic that their mind shifts into a defensive mode creating a false reality. By acknowledging and respecting others, individuals can engage in more meaningful and constructive dialogue that is honest and truthful. Seeking truth instead of allowing a traumatic experience to define you is liberating.

Something my mother use to say is, “the more things change, the more they stay the same”. I am not sure where she got the saying or any of the saying she used when I was a child. My mom had a plethora of sayings and a way with words. She imparted her wisdom to me throughout her life. My children refer to my mom as Grandma Young, I sometimes wished that I had learned the lessons long ago instead of reflecting on them now. Better late than never, Grandma Young would say. Another old saying was “there is nothing new under the sun”, one day I asked her what that meant. She had a wise and gentle way of encouraging my curiosity. I can’t remember exactly how she described the meaning, but I do remember that she pointed out the importance of words. Instead of the word, “sun”, replace it with the word, “Son”. “There is nothing new under the Son”. She was referring to the Son of God. When I realized how much the saying changed with one word, I gained greater understanding.

A New Earth is a book my daughter shared with me. While I was reading it, I found myself trying desperately to relate to the book to relate to my daughter. In the book I found both similarities and differences in the way we as individuals approach life. I want to be open-minded, like Oprah was with her statement, “my truth”. I found myself on the verge of compromising my personal values to give grace. Wanting to justify my newfound feelings after reading A New Earth, I quickly realized that words evolve. For example, the word, “woke”, has become common, we hear it everywhere. If we were to ask 100 people “what is woke?”, it is possible that we would get 100 different answers. However, reading A New Earth helped me gain a better understanding and an acceptance to “woke”. Looking back, I am not sure if “woke” was addressed directly. I am certain that it is just my interpretation of the material. With every discovery it becomes more important that we clarify our thoughts as we work together in seeking truth. If we prioritize our agenda before truth, then we will achieve neither our agenda nor truth. If we prioritize truth before our agenda, the benefits are priceless.

I would like to give a quick shout out to the author of A New Earth, I enjoyed the read. There is much more substance to it than what I have noted here. The reason why I decided to comment about woke, was because I have been completely against “wokism” since the 2014 Ferguson riots. I heard people pushing their agendas in the name of being woke. As I mentioned above when pushing an agenda you compromise the truth. I have come to realize that as a Christian and when I was saved, my salvation equated to becoming woke. I began to see things in a new light. Similarly, in Buddhism a believer becomes enlightened. Becoming enlightened also equates to becoming woke. This concept continues with other religions as well. On my website www.j2tw.com I have a section from the author. There I make the statement, “You can’t be too woke to joke”. It makes me think, can a Christian have too much salvation? Can a Buddhist be enlightened too much? This emphasizes the importance of seeking truth, before pushing an agenda. There is no room for misunderstanding or assumptions. This is another example of why words matter. Words help to clarify and understand.

When I feel strongly about something and another person disagrees with me, it’s difficult not to think that person is missing some important detail about the topic. We all think this way to some degree. I have been writing throughout this article about the importance of words. I have mentioned that the meaning of words evolve, change and/or simply mean different things to different people. When we feel strongly about something, we believe that thing is true. Otherwise, we would not believe it. This is called, being convicted. When a person is convicted, they are convinced. I am convinced that using the correct word when communicating is paramount. At the intersection of communication and clarification, words matter, let’s choose our words wisely.